This Clear Moment

From a dharma talk during Summer Kyol Che at Warsaw Zen Center.Student: It is very difficult to practice without expectation. Because we are putting in all the energy and time and... So how to do it? Zen Master Bon Shim: Experience the expectation. Experience whatever you feel: experience it fully. Usually the problem is with not accepting things as they are: then suffering comes. When you have expectations, experience them. And what then? How long can you keep this expecting mind? Student: Maybe forever? SSN: No, if you fully experience that, soon it disappears - then you go back to whatever is right now. Are you expecting something now? Student: Yes, I go back to ... looking at the floor, but then I expect something is going to happen. How long does it take? Zen Master Bon Shim: No, it's like anything else. First you experience it, you observe it, then you let it go. That is what is happening really, right? Then there is something else: then there is a nice dinner with my friend in Barcelona! You experience your mind jumping, non-stop. Then at some point you say "Wait a second. What is that? What can I do with that? Who is this?" Then you are at the home of the Buddha again. But then again some thought appears...and it goes on like that. Then slowly, slowly, after 20 years of practice (laughter) you just say "This doesn't make any sense!" and you are not really following your thinking so much. You just cannot - something happens and you just cannot. It is not interesting; this moment is more interesting. You already understand this is illusion, so you don't want to follow the illusion. This clear moment is much more interesting than your illusions; that is what is happening. This is the process: the clear mind is coming up, up, up, up, up, and the illusion mind is going down, down, down. It's happening, if you continue, if you really continue - consistently, with perseverance, really with perseverance. Not like you become expert and you decide, "Oh, I don't need to put in so much effort any more, because I am an expert."