What is this Seed?

Bobby Trexler JDPSN (now Zen Master Soeng Hyang) and her sister exchanged these letters shortly before Bobby left for her one-hundred day retreat, which she will finish in early May.

January 13, 1978

Dear Bobby,

It was nice that you called the other night. I wish we lived closer so we could be together more often.

I washed the painter's pants and they did shrink some. You're right; they are really comfortable. Thank you.

I don't understand your 100-day meditation at all. I wonder what you're looking for. Aren't you satisfied with yourself? I think you are great. You love people and they love you. Why aren't you satisfied with yourself? I just don't think you need much improvement. Don't you think you are a good person? I'm not trying to criticize; I just don't understand at all what you are trying to do.

I hope you find what you want. Please take care of yourself.

Love,

Sally

January 19, 1978

Dear Sally,

The world is full of suffering. How can it be stopped? Every human being has a seed of compassion and wisdom that must be very carefully nurtured. It is our responsibility to find this seed and do everything we can to make it grow.

First, you must believe that you have this seed. Then you must ask yourself with all the strength you have, ''What is this seed?" If you truly search for it, you will understand that everyone is just like you. Everyone has it. You will have no more desire for yourself; you will only want to teach everyone how to find their seed.

Enlightenment is believing in yourself. Enlightenment is finding your seed. But your job is not over yet. Your mind must become strong enough to be totally wise and compassionate moment to moment in any situation.

This is much more difficult than attaining Enlightenment.

So, I must do a rigorous practice now, so the seedling isn't washed away in the flood, or withered in a drought, or plucked by desire.

I hope you understand this. There is nothing esoteric or mysterious about what I am doing. Soen Sa Nim teaches some very simple techniques which help you to become strong. I feel that after being his student for more than five years, I am ready to try this long retreat. Don't worry Sal; I will be O.K.

Thanks for your big sister letter. I'm looking forward to seeing you in May.

Much love,

Bobby