Trusting "Don't Know"

I had coffee with a good friend a few days ago. She is a devoted Tibetan teacher and mystic. We were discussing some of her practices in the Tibetan tradition and one of them caught my attention. "Fruition is the path.”

Dogen Zenji, a 12 century Japanese monk, is famous for saying that sitting in “zazen” (or meditation) is in itself an act of enlightenment.

These two teachings are saying the same thing - that our practice of sitting and looking deeply into the mystery of Mind - is already fruition, is already enlightened activity. So then why do we sometimes feel that we aren’t making any progress in our practice or that our practice is stale or that we aren’t finding any meaning in our practice? Why is it that we begin to feel hopeless in our quest to understand?

Some years ago, I was complaining to my teacher that I wasn’t getting anywhere. I was still thinking so much on my cushion and I wasn’t having any insights and I was getting tired of even trying, etc., etc. As I complained, I really thought he was going to let me off the hook.  “Oh, Rebecca - you poor thing. Why don’t you just take a break from practicing for awhile? You can come back to it later.” Instead he said, “Double the time you spend on your cushion and stop worrying about your thinking and stop trying to get insight!  That will happen when it happens! Trust “Don’t Know!” I was taken aback.  

There is a sense of hopelessness that grips us every now and then. We want to give up and yet giving up doesn’t feel like an option either. This dark night of the soul is in itself another kind of practice. It is another deep yearning to understand ourselves and the universe around us. Trust it! Keep sitting every day! Facing this “don’t know” is like falling into darkness sometimes and one can’t find their way out, but trust the journey. Continue asking the Great Question. Have faith in the way things are - whether easy or hard. 

By Rebecca Otte JDPSN